It took the insane events of the morning to open my eyes to the reality that divorce is never easy. That it sucks to walk away from the one you wanted to spend your life with even when you know it is best for you both. That you can't stop loving someone just because you say outloud that you did. And that once guarded, its nearly impossible to open up you heart entirely to someone that has hurt you.
It was a bad morning, to say the least. And I'm not really sure where to go from here. I don't know who to call, which steps to take. I know I need to take a stand for myself, but I don't want to cause more stress for my babies.
I don't want to live unhappy anymore. But I can't seem to get out of this funk. Well I could...but let's just say its going to be a battle until this divorce is over. Regardless of what happens between me & Todd.
I'm sure its just karma catching up to me, and it will make its rounds back to those hurting me today. But dang it sure would be nice to get a break.
I wish someone had the answers & could tell me which way to go. I wish that I could just leave work & snuggle up with my kids on the couch or in bed with a movie on. I just wish I knew how to make things better, how to feel better, how to not hurt others while I'm trying to keep myself from hurting.
I wish I could just go back to bed
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