Christmas Countdown has begun!

Wow! It's September!!!

Time is flying by this year.....Christmas will be here before we know it!

So I'm trying to compose my list of things I want to buy/make for gifts (I will add links later, I promise...this is just my "rough draft" lol)

Naynen, Carcar & Princess are all getting rag quilts for their beds, made by me :)
I think the BF is getting one too :)

I really really really want to get the kids a wii

Crafty-wise, I saw a link for family yahtzee the other day. I would love to find 2 more "home-made" games & then each kid gets one :)
Also, something girly for Presley (purse/bag/i have no clue) & some fold up playmats for the boys (a dinosaur one that I was shown a blog link to and then maybe a cars one??)

One other idea for BF but he will have to get it way early, like next week or else he'll end up buying it for himself when hunting starts!!!

Chores? What's that?

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

I love being an adult, I love having kids, I love being a student & I love my job...

I, however, despise household chores.

Last night was a break through moment in my house. I took out trash (in case you didn't know, after sitting in a can outdoors for almost 3weeks, trash stinks BAD), Mowed the half of my hay field -- I mean my yard that was 3 feet tall, and well that's it.

Dishes are done, but only because of a dishwasher...who-so-ever invented those things was a saint.

Laundry is taking over my own bedroom. It is bad. Very very bad. 3 weeks worth of it, just sitting there taunting me. Today my son actually asked me if the hamper would wash it if he closed the lid. Too bad it doesn't work that way.

My living room is clean tho, and the play room too. Kids' bedrooms aren't even messed up.

I was thinking this morning that I DREAD going home after work, I don't want to finish any of these things that need done. I don't want to even look at them.

So I'm not going home :P

I made some phone calls to some fabulous friends & a night of road tripping on the 4 wheelers is now in order. Maybe, just maybe I will finish my chores tomorrow :)

Facing reality

It took the insane events of the morning to open my eyes to the reality that divorce is never easy. That it sucks to walk away from the one you wanted to spend your life with even when you know it is best for you both. That you can't stop loving someone just because you say outloud that you did. And that once guarded, its nearly impossible to open up you heart entirely to someone that has hurt you.

It was a bad morning, to say the least. And I'm not really sure where to go from here. I don't know who to call, which steps to take. I know I need to take a stand for myself, but I don't want to cause more stress for my babies.

I don't want to live unhappy anymore. But I can't seem to get out of this funk. Well I could...but let's just say its going to be a battle until this divorce is over. Regardless of what happens between me & Todd.

I'm sure its just karma catching up to me, and it will make its rounds back to those hurting me today. But dang it sure would be nice to get a break.

I wish someone had the answers & could tell me which way to go. I wish that I could just leave work & snuggle up with my kids on the couch or in bed with a movie on. I just wish I knew how to make things better, how to feel better, how to not hurt others while I'm trying to keep myself from hurting.

I wish I could just go back to bed

Fell behind on life

But slowly catching up!!!

Quick update is this....

divorce is moving along
Princess may have borken her wrist last week, go for more xrays tomorrow & hopefully the swelling is down enough to tell
Naynen & Carcar are still typical rowdy fun loving boys

County Fair just wrapped up & we all had a good time.
Love my kiddos...they are the light of my life :)

Missing Details

I realized just now that the gap in between my last two posts has left out some potentially interesting happenings.

The CNA course didn't work out. But the day it was to start, I was offered a job. Not just A job, but THE JOB of my dreams right now. 3 days a week, decent pay, free chiro care for me & the kids & free massage for me. It fits into my fall school schedule perfectly!

So I was scheduled to start this position next Wednesday but DR B called yesterday & asked me to start tomorrow instead. I am EXCITED!! Flipping OUT OF THIS WORLD HAPPY to have this position.

God works beautifully.

I feel extremely blessed right now & stronger in my spiritual walk than ever before.

The house I picked out is working out, and its right across the street from my parents. I am really really happy about that! AND AND AND its just a few doors down from my best friend :) It doesn't get much better than that when you are going through a rough time.

There's always tomorrow

Man I've been busy today & I am feeling way more stressed than I should be.

Today I have a daycare kid, even tho last Friday was my last day of daycare. (these parents are lucky I am a sucker)

I have done this:
Made lunch
cleaned dining table
swept dining floor
sat mop bucket by sink with the intentions of mopping the dining floor
cleaned up all the drinks DD has purposely dumped on the floor today
entered a jewelry show in the system (my biggest...over $1000 sales!)
given DD a bath after she waded in spilt pediasure
made a listing on freecycle

Left to do:
decide whats for supper that will yield leftovers for my lunch tomorrow
sit out everyone's clothes for tomorrow
get deposit ready to drop oat bank tomorrow
fill out daycare papers for assistance
do laundry
take a bubble bath to destress so I can start my job tomorrow relaxed & cheerful

I'm going to try to take the kids to the ball park this evening too. My cousin has a game, and the kiddos will have fun playing on the playground equipment I think. Its just a block away from our backyard so no harm in giving it a whirl.

I can't believe my babies will have birthdays in ONE WEEK! Naynen is gonna be 5 already! And my little princess is 2....where did the time go?

Its been a while...

There's a lot going on.

There is a word I really dislike...and its the one word my world seems to revolve around right now.
Divorce.
I do not like that word at all.

Amos 3:3 says Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?

2 Corinthians 6:14-18 says Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can goodness be a a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the Devil? How can a believer partner with an unbeliever? And what union can there be between God's temple and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God said: "I will live in them and walk among them. I will be their God and they will be my people. Therefore, come out from them and separate yourselves from them, says the Lord. Don't touch their filthy things, and I will welcome you. And I will be your Father, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."

I have struggled with this decision, and have went back & forth on my choice. But I see no way he & I can move forward together when we aren't on the same path of faith. Our actions and reactions towards one another have been greatly affected by my choice to be involved in the church, and I can't continue to feel like my own spouse is the one wanting to tear me away from Christ.

So today I will be calling yet another family law office. (My attorney from the domestic violence case last year is no longer doing family law....this saddens me, as I trusted him both as my lawyer & as a mentor in my life)

I am working out some minor details. I have a house picked out to rent. I am starting a class on Monday that will get me the CNA certificate and thus I will be able to find a job pretty easily in my area to tide me thru for a while. I had an interview yesterday for an office position. It seems perfect but its entirely God's will, whatever he gives me, I will take.

I am sad that things couldn't have happened differently for me & dh but I gave that issue to God a long time ago. I am at peace with the things of the past and faithful that the Lord will be walking with me & the children all along this journey.

Do you forgive me?

I haven't kept up this past week like I thought I would be able too.

This is review week for finals. And we are talking about selling the house. And daycare will be done next week. And I need to start applying for jobs.

So today's journey is taking me to some deep cleaning...I have to do it now, because I have to show my house!

Presley's room is my first shot....lets see if I can accomplish it along with dragging kids to preschool. I started to put her mounds of clothes away (I've just been stacking all of the clothes we have been given on TOP of her dresser...and well...there was ALOT!!)

OK, off to work...will check in later!

May Day, May Day

I cannot believe its May already!

I am going to loose my mind with bday parties this month! Seriously....why did everyone have their kid in MAY?!?!?! Oh....that's right, we set a trend.

Now really, I have done nothing house wise today (is anyone surprised at this point to hear nothing accomplished?? I have got to be the biggest slacker EVER)

I did do 1/2 the month's grocery shopping today. Mind you if I ever get talked out of going to the store at midnight ALONE again just to be forced to drag 3 monsterous children (only 1 was mine) during the biggest shopping trip of the month, I will be throwing down punches at someone.

Now we are going to meet BFF at Pizza Hut for the kid's book it freebies :) Dang I love that program.

Peace Out Y'all

Laying Low

Time to let BBC take a back seat for a few days. Lots of things to think about.
I'm still going to keep up with my blog (its the only reason I do my housework now.) and I'll be on facebook for updates.

Things are pretty intense at home.
An old roommate is in ICU on life support in St Louis (that's about 1 1/2 hours away from us) from problems in surgery.
My IRL BFF is dealing with alot in her family, everyone is suffering from health problems.
I just am a hormonal mess right now, the Mirena had me messed up health wise, but I'm afraid its going to take me longer than I thought to get my emotions straight.

Okay so I have a new goal....

And its going to be hard, very very very hard.

I may have to make a weekly goal, because I think saying NO to this for a month may be too overwhelming.

A weekly goal it is....

No Bars and/or Drinking for one week.

The drinking part is do-able...the bar part will be very very trying for me. In a town where there are 3 gas stations, 1 McDonalds, and 6 Bars.....and yep that's it, not even a bowling alley anymore....Its where we go to kill time. I can go without drinking, but the socializing, the playing darts or pool or singing karaoke....its gonna be a challenge.

The only exception I will make is if Matt doesn't pull thru his chemical induced coma, because then all of the friends & family will meet up at Luke's to share the memories and I refuse to miss that.

Ok. So it's official. No Bars/drinking for one week starting NOW.

Thursdays Are My Fave

I love that we have NOTHING planned on Thursdays. It is veg out day. No schools, no therapies, no picking up daycare kids from anywhere....in fact Thursdays even mean short daycare days!

Last night I skipped class & went to a lia sophia show with one of my teammembers. It was nice to get out of the house & not have to do anything.
But it wasn't all peaches n cream.....DH called me on the way to the show & FLIPPED out because I hadn't done dishes, or actually I hadn't finished the dishes he didn't do the night before. I told him I loved him, I'd see him later & Goodbye all calmly, gently, sweet and hung up the phone.

Dishes didn't get done yesterday but these things did:

Bed Made
Kitchen Floor Swept (Ewwww, it was nasty)
Dining Table & Chairs Scrubbed **
Laundry

** NOTE TO ALL -- If you are considering a purchase of a dining set for your house, I warn now against the choices of glass top tables. They are disgusting to look at after kids have sat there. Cleaning the top without streaking takes me long enough but then the fingerprints & smears & of course little bits of uneaten foods are seen thru the top and cleaning the underside is hard to do!

Maybe I will actually finish up my May food list today too...sorry to leave ya hanging...Midnight grocery run tonight, so it has to get finished!

Menu for May

Working on May's Menu plan....a strategy that should help 2 areas. This should lower $$ spent on groceries and also mass chaos at the end of the day when I start all day classes.

So here is my list of Meals....
oh wait, have to go pick up CarCar from preschool...will post them during nap time.

OK, so as of now, I only have 22 days planned. But my goal is to double a couple of the recipes and freeze to save time.

1. Shortcut Chicken Manicotti
2. BBQ Beef Fajita
3. Cheesy Beef & Veg Pasta

1-3 served with small side salad, croutons, bacon bits, cherry tomatoes, olives, lite dressing

Gotta get Naynen ready for school now...called in reinforcements to pick him up & actually take him. LOL. Bad me.

Oh the distractions in my daily life!!!
I'm back now :) But before I continue, I'm telling you that I am not at all looking forward to making this grocery list!

4. Grilled Chx (thats chicken for those who haven't waitressed. hehe), Corn on Cob, Pasta Salad
5. Deli Sandwiches, Tortilla Chips & Dip of some sort
6. Steak on grill, baked potatoe, fruit
7. Lemon Pepper Pan Fried Pork Cutlets (or chops, whatever is in our freezer), Pasta Salad, Baked Beans
8. Tex Mex Skillet -- www.menus4moms.com (this website is now to be abbreviated M4M....otherwise I will never get this all typed out!)
9. Ranch Chicken (M4M) , Glazed carrots (M4M), Side Salad
10. Beef Stroganoff (M4M), Egg noodles, Green Beans
11. Hamburger & Hotdogs on grill, Side Salad, Fruit
12. Rope Sausage on grill, Side Salad, Mac n Chz
13. Grilled Chicken, Creamed Spinach (M4M), Fruit
14. ohhhhhhh myyyyyy.....let me tell you how much I don't miss my data entry position AT ALL

Oops, ok back to it, sorry to leave y'all hangin.

14. Taco Mac Salad (M4M), yogurt & apples
15. Alfredo chicken Pizza (M4M), Side Salad
16. Steak on grill, Side salad, Mac n Chz
17. Pork, Corn on the cob, Mashed Potatoes
18. French Bread Pizza, Salad
19. Chx Enchiladas (M4M), Salad
20. Mandarin Topped Chops (M4M), Couscous (M4M)
21. Primevera Pasta Pie (M4M), Cottage Cheese & fruit
22. Steak, Baked Potato, Salad

I'm still thinking of adding to this....But maybe I won't.....I just don't know. My hormones are a little out of whack today, who knows what will end up happening before my shopping trip

Not even 10 am

And I have made my bed, started laundry, cleared the dining table, put away clean/dry dishes, swept the kitchen floor.

That's alot for me. I am feeling exhausted already (sad I know, but I've been dealing with helath issues & it is what it is) but its keeping my mind off of other things.

An old friend of mine was put on life support the day before yesterday. I have lost a few friends to accidents, mostly involving alcohol & I have always been able to relate their tragedies to their own lack of self responsibility. But its hard for me to come to terms when people near my age near death on no terms of their own.

Matt aspirated during surgery, his lungs filled with fluid & they are trying everything they can to correct it. The family is in shock to state it simply. Just playing a waiting game now to see what path he walks down.

I am going to try to stay busy today. I will try updating later my accomplishments :)

Celebrate the successes....no matter what the size

This is my new slogan.

Today I was on time dropping off & picking up the boys from Preschool. This may sound like an unimportant accomplishment but it was very very important to me today.
I am not a late person. I do not arrive late anywhere. In the off chance that I get stuck behind a tractor (no real traffic jams in cornfield country) or stopped at the train tracks, I call first. That's just me. I like to be early and prepared.

Every single event that I have attended for the past week, I have been late for. Not majorly late but 5, 10, 15 minutes late. It really had me stressed. Yesterday was bad, I almost cried because of it.

But alas, I recovered....dropped of CarCar with a few minutes to spare, picked him up -- first car in line. Dropped off Naynen a few minutes early & pulled him out of class 20 minutes early. I even got to class myself this evening early!!

WOOHOO...I have found myself again!!

Ok, on to my real accomplishments for the day:
Bed made
Toilet cleaned
One of Three comp papers written (oops the other 2 were due tonight too, but thankfully the teacher took pity on us & extended the deadline to next week)

Small successes all the way around...even for DH. He did the dishes without me asking :) Gotta love days like this! I think I deserve some ice cream now.

Weekend Slacker

Yep, that's me.
Did a whole lot of nothing around the house & it shows!

I did do my part for the church though. Chaperoning the youth at the Cardinals/Cubs game was an absolutely fabulous time. We all had lots of fun. Its a great group of kids.

Yesterday was church, where the youth decided to attach themselves to me & my dear BFF (we were the chaperones of the year as of Saturday. LOL)

Had a jewelry show in the afternoon, made it short & sweet...and then while dh went out to the bars (big big *sigh* of frustration) me and the 3 monsters played at the park til it got dark out & then pigged out on ice cream & went to bed

Sunny Days, sweeping the clouds away....

It is sooooo beautiful this morning!

The sun is shining, I can hear the birds singing (and the windows are still closed!), It looks a little windy but hey, who's going to complain about that when we are finally getting some warmth!?!

I realized that in my opening post, I forgot to mention one very important thing about my new lifestyle....I've been waking up early. Early as in by 6:30am. Early as in...I just wrote a comp paper last week asking all alarms going off before 8am to be outlawed.

It took a day to get used to it, but already I feel better. I feel more energized & like I get some time to myself (usually at least a few minutes before the kids are all up) It feels good.

It also feels good to look over at my sink and see NOT ONE SINGLE dirty dish! Woot Woot!!

Ok, guess I should go try to make this day at least as accomplished as yesterdays. Later y'all

Honesty with your best friends

Can someone explain this to me?

DH & his BFF have been BFF's for longer than I have known them. They were roommates & worked together when I first met DH.

Why is it that DH cannot tell his BFF when something he does bothers him? He just avoids the issue....if it were something I had done, he wouldn't hesitate to tell me how annoyed he was.

I often get defensive & pipe up about it, usually without DH knowing since he would likely freak out and tell me I was a witch for telling the truth.

I'm just annoyed that DH doesn't do anything about being treated so poorly & I'm sick of being the "bad guy" for saying its wrong to be so disrespectful towards your friends....*sigh*
I just want my DH to have friends who actually care about him. Its hard to see him hurt & not admitting it.

This is why I am here.

It's time for a change. Not just a small adjustment, but a real change in the way I am living.
I hope that this will help me feel accountable & that those of you who know my background and my current struggles will jump with joy in anything that gets accomplished.

For those who don't know, here is the short story:
Dh & I have had a very rocky relationship. We married for the wrong reasons, married young, started a family too soon, yada yada yada. We have been together for 8 years, married for 5 1/2. We have 3 fabulous children (Naynen - 4, CarCar - 3, Princess - 1). DH owns his own business & I have 2 that I run at home. I am also a fulltime student, this is my first semester.
Anywho, we are recovering from a seperation of 3 months. It was hard, very hard. We are happy to be back together & are ready to sacrifice & compromise & make the changes within ourselves that will make this work & work well.

Ok, so lots going on, BUT my #1 focus right now is being a "Good Christian Wife". Submitting myself to my husband & serving him & focusing on making him happy....pffft...that's sooo not my style.
It's gonna be a challenge.

Part 1, get the house in order!!
I basically am the worst housekeeper EVER. And this drives my dear husband insane!! So I am challenging myself to get my house organized, clean, and keeping it that way...with dear husband having to do a minimum amount of chores when he is home from work.

I used to make lists of what I wanted done, but I never finish them and then feel bad about it so I think I'm going to start this off with lists of the things I do get accomplished in the day, and later we'll add a to-do list ;)

Its just before hubs will be home from work and today I have

washed & dried laundry
done the dishes & cleaned the sink
swept the dining room floor
started folding the mounds of laundry that were taking over our bedroom
took care of some school things for this next semester
shopped at a resale shop (I gotta have some retail therapy at some point!)
listed out the contents of pantry/fridge/freezer in an attempt to not buy groceries for the rest of the month (except milk & bread)
made some doctors appts
called about getting our 3 yo into preschool next year

I feel very accomplished already...that's alot more than I usually do (oh my that really is sad, isn't it)

Ok, off for more laundry & getting ready for dinner!